I love a good story. Who doesn’t?! I appreciate a good plot, excellent character development, and enough intrigue and mystery to keep me focused and engaged.
What about our personal stories? The ones that give our lives meaning and context, that illustrate how we see ourselves and show up in our interactions, relationships – in our world!
Are our stories the Truth of who we are? What if an aspect of our story is limiting in some way? Then what?
Here’s a story about stories – the kinds of stories my clients bring to rewrite, so they can live their way into a new, authentic story.
Outer overlays become inner narrative
Like all of us, you were born into a family that imposed things on you. Beliefs and experiences of your ancestors, by what your parents wanted and expected from you. Do the overlays and intentions you received match what you want for yourself now?
For example, Caretakers believe it’s their responsibility to manage others’ lives, people-pleasing at the expense of themselves. Is that the absolute truth? Or is it a role foisted upon them?
Jenny’s Story
Jenny’s mother assigned her the responsibility of caring for siblings at a young age. She took that role very seriously because she wanted to please her mother. She was both praised for doing a good job, and brought to task if a sibling acted out or failed to meet familial expectations. Jenny grew up feeling validated and worthy one minute, guilty and ashamed the next.
Recently Jenny took a new job and she’s excited about how her work will change the company she works for. She wants to help the company see where it can improve. She feels purposeful, and tailor made for this role. Management pays lip service to all Jenny’s suggestions and offers of help, but fails to follow through and make any lasting change. Jenny is frustrated, tries harder, and feels unseen and undervalued.
You see the pattern, right? She’s praised and invalidated at the same time. Her current story about work is just another version of Jenny’s childhood story of misplaced responsibility.
Your story may be true but it’s not your truth
Caretaker is a story through which Jenny has consistently operated – first taking care of her siblings, then trying to take care of her employer, and also repeatedly picking up the pieces for her alcoholic on again, off again boyfriend she can’t quite break up with.
Here’s a truth:
The common denominator in these situations, the theme of the story, is Jenny and her Caretaker actions.
Recently, she had an ‘aha!’ moment and realized she didn’t want to live this way anymore. “I create the same story everywhere I go, with everyone I meet. I’m burned out, unhappy, and want better relationships and experiences instead. I’m ready to write a new story!”
Rewrite the narrative: Energy regulation and clearing tools
Through our work together, Jenny learned that her energy body generated her story – the behaviors, emotions, beliefs about herself. She discovered she could clear out the old story and write one that included boundaries, self-responsibility, validation of her value and worth, and the ability and willingness to prioritize her needs.
She practiced energy regulation skills to reduce her tendency to be pulled on by others and overstep appropriate boundaries. In sessions and in her practice at home, she focused on releasing the energy generating the behaviors and emotions.
A new story
Jenny has invested in a practice of consciously observing where she enrolls in her old story so she can, moment by moment, make different choices, clear the energy of the old story and reset her awareness in alignment with her intentions.
As she recognizes that how she has defined herself, her actions, her self-worth all boil down to her old story, she can now walk away from it and write a new one. She’s so excited about the space she has to simply be who she is instead of doing what she’s always done!
‘You are you, a diverse, ever-changing, dynamic human with all kinds of opportunities at your fingertips. Don’t let old narratives shrink your potential. You (not your story) get to choose how to act right now.’
Source: Susan David, PhD
